preparation

this week has been fraught with numerous activities that have utterly exhausted both my mental and physical faculties. my optical sensory nerves have been flooded with visual stimuli concerned with the upcoming academic trial. the studious endeavors have also served to test the memory capacity of my nervous system. how much do i remember? how much more can i remember? as stated previously, i have about a month and a half left to fully steel myself. sun tzu once said that the difference between a general and a victorious one lies in the laying of plans. the one with more meticulously and carefully laid plans will be better prepared to secure a victory. as of now, i am laying plans so as to reach a "position beyond defeat".

i will hopefully retrieve the savior today. i am ready to be rid of the replacement, not to mention finally taking care of the financial red tape that accompanies such transactions.

also, the boss returns today. his return coincides with the start of many new jobs for the employees and therefore, more tasks for myself as well. while it is merely seen as a consequence of having this employment, i am most opposed to continuing in this fashion. if i am going to struggle, fight, and scrape in a career, i want it to be as far removed from this business as possible. i am constantly in a state of uncertainty and in perpetual scrutiny for a job that i do not understand nor care to; nor is there any hope or idea that i will get better at what i am doing (or if there is even incentive to do so). if i am going to be in that state, it might as well be in a field that i do understand, doing things that i know will lead me to success and respect.

it feels like so many things i've done over the past few years have been preparing me for this. the inroads made with certain people, the skills acquired, the manner of speaking with others, the reflective processes - all of it seems to be pointing in this direction. i'm sure that i can make it, because the alternative is unacceptable. so many have put their faith and trust in me, so what kind of man would i be if i were to let them down? i must honor their hope in me, the dreams entrusted, the money spent (or that will be). the only way to do that is to succeed and become the kind of person that not only they knew i could be, but that i knew as well.

"If you're going to be a wall that gets in our way, I'm going to break through you!" - TTGL

"Now that we've come this far, we're not stopping until we breach the heavens!" - TTGL