who the hell do you think i am?

after an exhausting day at work yesterday, i arrived home to find a small envelope from the CEM (testing center responsible for my NMAT exam). unable to control the tremors in my hands, i used my sturdy blade to tear open the correspondence. on a small slip stamped with the official seal of the CEM, my NMAT score was received. the cutoff score to get into UERMMMC is a 65-70 percentile, meaning i need to score in the top 35-30% of all the test-takers of this particular period. my score - 99 percentile. translation, i got the highest possible score i could get on that exam, and i can easily make the cutoff score into UP if i had wanted to go there (UP cutoff score - 90 percentile). who the hell do you think i am?

the path is opening up, and now more than ever, i feel that i can do this. indeed, the trials are only just beginning, but this particular juncture has afforded me an insight into my own capabilities and my limits. i feel even stronger now about following this path, and i renew my vow to do honor to all those that have helped me to get this far. i couldn't have gotten here without you, and if i can clear the next hurdle, i swear that i will succeed in this venture and become the kind of man that you believed i could be.

on a different subject, kevin and i spent a good portion of our evening at the driving range yesterday. after hitting balls to absolute fatigue, combined with the punishing workout i received after my return to escrima class on tuesday, my body is tight and feeling the effects of lactic acid buildup. i am hurting, but it's a good hurt. however, with all the events filling up my schedule this week, i have also become absolutely sleep-deprived. so, tonight after work, i plan on doing not a damn thing. plans can wait, people can wait, events can just f*ck off for tonight. if i happen to awaken tonight before the morrow (if i don't just sleep straight through til morning), perhaps some of that time will be spent watching claymore or season 2 of tengen toppa gurren lagann.

this weekend - ufc at a friend's house (i don't like bj penn, but i don't like diego sanchez even more and i don't think bj's going to lose to him), possibly holiday shopping (for myself, because that's what x-mas is really about), and maybe dinner at either tenkaippin ramen or some other badass establishment.

"With every turn, we're growing stronger. We're evolving every second. That is a drill! My drill is the drill that will pierce the heavens!" - Simon, TTGL

"If our belief in you is what gives you strength, then I believe in you with all my heart!" - Nia, TTGL

7-iron

looking back at my old xanga posts and comparing them with the posts i have written here, i notice not only my subject matter but my style of writing has changed. the things i write about nowadays are still full of heady allusions and metaphors but with a continuous positive bent. the messages are cryptic but reassuring, and most of the time they are meant for primarily me. however, i do realize that this blog is not just for me but serves as an update on my life for my comrades as well. therefore, i will try to recapture my previous style and inform as well as entertain.

currently, i am still awaiting the results of my endeavors from these past few months. it will still be a fairly long wait as i must standby until late next month or possibly february. the suspense and the uncertainty are excruciating. every adviser tells me that it's probably a sure thing, and although i do believe in myself, not knowing for sure until a certain time is kind of painful.

my friend and i are losing the passion we once had for our escrima class. don't get me wrong, i still enjoy escrima and the lessons i have learned are irreplaceable. also, my teachers and classmates are good people. i guess the entire routine of it has become weary. the act of going to class and the subsequent discussions and eating out are kind of tiring me out. my brother is thinking of leaving to return to full-time training in muay thai, which is his passion. i am thinking of leaving because if all works out, i will need to be spending my time studying much loftier things than that. i need to review the lessons that not only have i forgotten, but once taught to others.

to keep my mind off of the stressful waiting and the rigors of work, k-fudge and i have gotten into golf recently. we're nowhere good enough to even be allowed on a course yet, but we're working on our skills at the driving range. through careful observation and tips imparted by our good friend d-bit (who has actually played on the golf team in high school), my swing has improved. using a 7-iron, i can actually launch that golf ball a little over 125 yards. it is a small accomplishment, but to an amateur like me, it makes all the difference.

"In other words, love and fighting spirit rule the universe..." - Leeron, TTGL

chouginga

the major hurdles have been overcome. i have been tested, examined, and questioned to the limit of my capabilities. i have exhausted as much effort as i could muster and i have put in as much spiral power as i have in all my molecules of DNA. the next step is the waiting game. if fortune smiles upon this endeavour, then i will be leaving this place yet again to pursue the greater dream, reach the greater goal.

there have been many who have supported me in this fight, and many who still do and will continue to do so. for that, i am beyond grateful. your wishes and belief in me will not be in vain. i vow to do honor to your hope in me and i will become what you have always known and that i am starting to know that i could be.

this journey required and will continue to require 100% of my mental, physical, and spiritual capabilities. if i am blessed and granted this first step, it will be only the first of many that must be taken. i feel that i am ready, since i have already come so far. there's no turning back now, only to look ahead. maybe, if i can succeed, i will be invited to the place where all manly souls reside...

"Stop wasting time here! The truth that you've decided for yourself is the only truth in this universe!" - Kamina, TTGL

the next step

three more days until i leave for manila for a week. in that one week, there will be much to do. i will have to meet with officials from the college and turn in my application, sign some documents, possibly do some interviews, and speak with my relatives. after that, with my nmat score pending, all i can do is wait and pray that the fates will conspire with me to get me to that next level. if all goes well, i will most likely be leaving the US sometime in april.

i am thoroughly excited for this trip. i know that i am going for a greater purpose. i am going in the hope that i can grasp the opportunity and become something much greater than this. i am going to possibly escape the sea of mediocrity and misery into which i am currently sinking. for the two plus years since i graduated from college, i have been slowly and steadily drowning - although there have been bright points, certain decisions have kept me kicking and struggling. however, if we kick and scream and fight like hell, we might move forward, just a little bit...

i feel that i can overcome this. i feel that i can rise up above the detractors and the haters and everyone who doesn't believe in me. i am starting to feel that even if the amount of people who don't believe in me outweigh those who do, my burning blood will cut through fate. for the dreams of those who came before me and the hopes of those who will come after, i must succeed...

"I got belted and was told to believe in the me that believes in myself. I think that's how it should be..." - Simon, TTGL

get back (to where you once belonged)

flight to denver leaves tonight. after an unfortunate stop over in SFO (i'm over that airport, but it's better than LAX), i will officially be in the state i called home for 5 years. i wouldn't put it past fate for me to call it home again in a few years. but before all that, i will be in a variety of climates before i can settle down again.

two nights of stuffing myself silly and possibly gambling away a few dollars with the crew. two nights of enjoying lovely 40 degree weather. two nights of finally having a use for my jackets and sweaters. two nights of eating food that, in amount seems like a lot, but in actual caloric comparison to HI food, is much healthier. videos to share. stories to tell. good times all around. i feel like having a blue moon with the boys. how about either boto maki or puraw wave buy a 12 pack of the belgian white ale and bring it over, for which i will compensate upon your arrival...

upon my return from denver, i will be in HI for 5 days, then off to manila to deliver my application. with the nmat score pending and all my paperwork squared away, i have only to entrust my fate to the powers that be and pray that my accomplishments thus far have not been in vain. i believe this path is right. i believe this path is the one that must be taken. to escape the misery and mediocrity in which i am sinking, i must reach for this opportunity with both my hands and grasp success.

november has been, is, and will be the busiest month of this year. december will be slightly more lax than that. x-mas party with the (hopefully soon-to-be former) coworkers, x-mas party with the escrima classmates, and my doctor aunty from PI will be paying us a visit just in time for x-mas. it's a good amount of rest, because i'm sure next year will be more than hectic. as busy and overwhelming next year will be, i am eager and ready for it.

"Don't give up! We've made it this far by holding out til the last second and snatching victory from the jaws of defeat! This is how we've done it and we'll do it as many times as it takes!" - Simon, TTGL

pierce the heavens

the nmat is on saturday. i leave for LA early tomorrow morning. after reading forums and blogs of other med-school hopefuls who have already taken the exam, and as zero hour closes in, i'm starting to feel a little nervous. i am however, completely confident in my ability to do well. where does this belief come from? part of it is gut feeling - i've never felt more confident for a standardized test my entire life. even the SAT's had me feeling completely inadequate in my preparations. this time, however, i feel that i am ready. the other part comes from the stats - i've been reviewing for 4-5 months now. almost every week in that span of time was spent poring over the practice exams and review books. my entire undergraduate career was jammed into my brain since may 2009.

the feeling is growing. the feeling that it is possible. everyday, the feeling that i can succeed in this outrageous venture is growing stronger and stronger. i am beginning to believe that it is indeed possible. i am beginning to believe in me who believes in myself.

busy month - pupunta ako sa LA sa Sabado. susunod, pupunta kami sa Denver. pagkatapos, pupunta kami sa Maynila. also, dadating ang kaibigan ko sa dito sa Miercoles. hopefully, good times all around...

hope to see my brosephs up in D-town next week. blackhawk if possible. hopefully, you can make it, since i probably won't have a chance to come back to denver for a little while, depending on the situation.

wish me luck. it's through everyone's support that i have made it this far. i will do my best to honor it, by succeeding...

"Even if the universe is against us, our burning blood will cut through fate!" - Viral, TTGL

training

our first tagalog class starts today. i am quite excited as it will provide the basic framework upon which i can build using supplemental materials and an array of acquaintances with varying levels of proficiency. it should be a lot easier to make sense of the books i bought after i learn basic sentence structure and placement. vocabulary shouldn't be a problem, but i should probably get a more comprehensive dictionary. my friends who are taking the class with me are concerned that the class might be too basic and not cover anything more than basic greeting and words. this would be a disappointment. however, seeing that it is an adult education course, there's a good chance that it would aim towards a higher proficiency than what they would teach kindergarteners.

two of our escrima classmates who joined quite recently (only about two or three months ago actually) have been very hard on themselves recently. they are always worried that they aren't "getting it" or aren't as good as they should be. they feel they're not on par with everyone else in class. while i empathize with them, i have to make it clear that they just started - of course they aren't going to be at the same level as everyone else. not to mention, our class has gotten progressively more complex in terms of technique and skill sets. while most of us started at the same time and have gotten supplemental lessons from another teacher, they haven't had that benefit and can't be expected to perform at a high level right from the get-go. i think they just need to relax and not beat themselves up too much about it. the skill will come, but after a lot more practice.

my nmat studies seem to be wavering. it is hard to get the motivation to spend hours at a library (or anywhere for that matter) face deep in textbooks and review materials. however, i have less than a month and a half to fully prepare myself. i'm sure that when the time comes, i will be ready. however, i need to get out of this funk/rut and return to my studies at full force.

my portfolio is looking better. it's been a year since the whole economic crisis thing and it seems as if everything's starting to get back on track. however, the one thing that really pisses me off still is how low they are still keeping interest rates. the interest i'm earning on all my accounts is near rock bottom and it looks as if the rates are still dropping. i don't see how this can be possible - all other rates are more or less at 0%. what more could they do? what needs to happen is for the rates to start climbing as they should so that savers can be rewarded a little (since it's clear that spenders won't be saving the economy like they used to). the housing market's still a mess, wall street's still volatile, the only thing that's still growing is my savings account. however, if the rates keep dropping, i'm better off stashing all that money in a piggy bank. but that's that.

Shigure: "You young people, if you'd only stop struggling, you'd see that you float."

Haru: "Yes, but it's only after we keep struggling until we can't struggle anymore that we get to that point..."

currently: reading up on interview tips

timeless

as the autumn months approach, it feels like i have less and less time for anything. work will be picking up soon, and with these extra jobs my tasks will start to pile up. tagalog class starts next week. escrima class will probably pick up since promotion exams are a little ways away. together with the studying i have to fit in, i will effectively have only friday afternoons and part of the weekends free. the other time will be filled up with work, escrima training (in class and outside with friends), tagalog study (in class and my own supplemental study), and nmat/interview preparations. so much to do and not enough time in a week to accomplish everything.

i feel like although i've been getting adequate sleep, i'm still tired. i wouldn't say i'm completely exhausted, but i feel tired still. when i do get a long period of sleep in, i wake up with a headache. there doesn't seem to be a happy medium. or is it that my body is preparing itself for the eventual lack of sleep that accompanies the path i will be taking in a few years? a couple of times this week, i have felt that calm anticipation that precedes a huge storm. there seems to be a void and silence as if soon, a large wave or something will impact. it may or may not be metaphorical, it's just a feeling.

my presence on facebook has become more frequent. i owe it to a lack of any interesting websites and the decreased creepiness that defined facebook when i first joined. myspace and twitter are still absolutely annoying and i refuse to be a part of either. in general, i think i could do without the internet. it makes some things convenient, but otherwise is just as bad as television in terms of unproductive behavior. even right now, i'm blogging - an activity that does nothing for me. no one even reads this stuff aside from whoever is still subscribed to my site and receives the emails. only one or two people ever comment (thanks, boto maki) and i don't really care to "make friends" on xanga.

one of these days, my internet activity will greatly diminish. i think that's ok. don't be sad, very soon, a law may be passed that is going to make the internet like tv (you will have to pay for access to certain sites, only a few sites will be available for your viewing based on what you pay - like cable tv). a friend told me about this, and although i heartily disagree with it based on principle (the internet's big draw is that it's supposed to make information free and available), i wouldn't really care if i couldn't peruse certain sites ever again. fuck that, i don't even want to pay for tv, why the hell would i pay for access to "restricted" internet?

"He'll have to find out that it's part of growing up - getting close to others while distancing yourself from pain..." - Evangelion

currently: preparing to go home

preparation

this week has been fraught with numerous activities that have utterly exhausted both my mental and physical faculties. my optical sensory nerves have been flooded with visual stimuli concerned with the upcoming academic trial. the studious endeavors have also served to test the memory capacity of my nervous system. how much do i remember? how much more can i remember? as stated previously, i have about a month and a half left to fully steel myself. sun tzu once said that the difference between a general and a victorious one lies in the laying of plans. the one with more meticulously and carefully laid plans will be better prepared to secure a victory. as of now, i am laying plans so as to reach a "position beyond defeat".

i will hopefully retrieve the savior today. i am ready to be rid of the replacement, not to mention finally taking care of the financial red tape that accompanies such transactions.

also, the boss returns today. his return coincides with the start of many new jobs for the employees and therefore, more tasks for myself as well. while it is merely seen as a consequence of having this employment, i am most opposed to continuing in this fashion. if i am going to struggle, fight, and scrape in a career, i want it to be as far removed from this business as possible. i am constantly in a state of uncertainty and in perpetual scrutiny for a job that i do not understand nor care to; nor is there any hope or idea that i will get better at what i am doing (or if there is even incentive to do so). if i am going to be in that state, it might as well be in a field that i do understand, doing things that i know will lead me to success and respect.

it feels like so many things i've done over the past few years have been preparing me for this. the inroads made with certain people, the skills acquired, the manner of speaking with others, the reflective processes - all of it seems to be pointing in this direction. i'm sure that i can make it, because the alternative is unacceptable. so many have put their faith and trust in me, so what kind of man would i be if i were to let them down? i must honor their hope in me, the dreams entrusted, the money spent (or that will be). the only way to do that is to succeed and become the kind of person that not only they knew i could be, but that i knew as well.

"If you're going to be a wall that gets in our way, I'm going to break through you!" - TTGL

"Now that we've come this far, we're not stopping until we breach the heavens!" - TTGL

impossible

the challenges that arose during this week have been met and have been overcome. things are falling into place and the feeling that i'm moving forward is growing every day. the fated day of the greatest challenge has not been set yet, but it is looming ever closer. theoretically, i have about a month and a half to fully prepare myself for this trial. before i can concentrate completely on the main points, i first need to conquer an old enemy. once i have redeemed myself from this failure, i will be able to focus all my efforts into annihilating the nmat.

i need to work on many things. there are many things which garner my attention. the fate of my golden soldiers, the fate of the credit i worked so hard to attain, the fate of my former abode, the potential new abode, retrieving the savior, etc. so many things occupy my cognitive faculties. there is so little time to accomplish everything, but it has to be done. now that we've come this far, there's no turning back.

if the universe, family, friends, and even strangers believe in me, how can i afford to not succeed?

"Rejecting common sense to make the impossible possible...That's how we roll..." - TTGL

"Our power is limitless! As long as our hearts don't give in!" - TTGL

rise against

i have spoken to a brother of mine who has gone through quite an ordeal over the past few weeks. shortly after our return from the motherland, i discovered that my brother had suffered an accident and has been in the hospital ever since. i knew deep down that though his life was threatened, he would not succumb to such an event. he is currently recovering and is in good spirits. the tone of his voice strengthens my resolve and i know that he will make it through this and be in good shape upon his return. "I'll be back soon..", he said. "Guaranteed. It's just a little while longer...", I replied - and I believe it.

whenever an obstacle has appeared before me in my current quest, a little bit of action on my part was enough to clear it. so, like before, I am really beginning to believe that this is the right path. everything happens for a reason. when an action you take is right/justified/correct and when your will to do so is strong, it seems that god, fate, and the universe conspire to aid you. so far, aid has come in many forms - letters of recommendation, affirmations of goodwill, confirmations of external support, calls made, emails sent. things are shaping up. as i've told my cousin and my friend in the mile high, "summer is when things start to move". as it stands, my departure should be in summer of 2010, god willing.

i need some gray jeans. more jeans in general. my rotation has become weary and i need some updates. so i guess that means ala moana this weekend. even if we don't buy anything, that's still my favorite mall.

"Who the hell do you think I am? I am the kind of man that would rather die than do something that I don't like!" - Kamina, TTGL

"I believe in myself because he believes in himself. Likewise, he believes in me because I believe in him. That's what it means to be partners..." - Kamina, TTGL

currently: preparing to study my ass off

anticipate

the long-awaited trip to the motherland is only a few days away. we leave next friday. have i packed yet? well, my suitcase is out. as for the things that are to fill it, that's another story. but what's really important is if i have enough space for the things that are coming back with me from there. for one, there are a lot of present requests from everyone. let me run down a quick list just to get a better idea of the packing situation. 3 bags of dried watermelon seed, couple bags/bottles (i'm not really sure on the actual package) of energo and biogesic, a couple of saint/jesus bracelets (that are purportedly blessed), a couple shirts (with accompanying fob ass designs), some blades of various sorts, some escrima sticks (kamagong and others), a giant wooden fork and spoon set, a couple of nmat study guides, and some barrel men/women. i think that's it, but i'm not sure.

i think knife (for personal protection) and camera aside, i'm only bringing clothes. the hotel provides the towels, i could definitely buy a lot of the toiletries and essentials at the convenience store right across the street from the hotel, and anything else would really be extraneous. therefore, after carefully selecting the outfits i will use for various outings - coworker's wedding, visiting family in the province (which entails clothes that won't make me such a conspicuous target and/or clothes that allow me to move well in case of a fight/flight situation) - i should be good to go.

speaking with my travelling buddy yesterday, the question of what kind of technology i should bring along for the ride comes to surface. an i-pod is a must, but should i bring the charger along? the camera is a for sure, but should i bring the charger along? my phone will most likely be utterly useless and i won't likely be receiving or making calls to anyone outside of the country for the duration of the trip. also, if i need communication, getting a cheapo phone and some smart chips/load wouldn't be too expensive anyhow. the hotel has internet lan cables, but do i really want to bring my laptop, which in turn contains playlists for my i-pod and a gateway to communicating with everyone back home if necessary? but really, how much time do i plan on spending in the hotel anyway? not much.

this is the kind of trip that i've been excited about for months. my planning for the trip though has only really taken place now. i have approximately 8 or 9 days to be ready. i have no doubt in my mind that i will be ready when the time comes. it's just that anticipation might make me nervous enough to forget some convenient item for the trip. also, my older brother predicted that i would break my self-imposed sobriety during that time. i agree, so i also need a plan to keep my wits about me in case some kind of incident should place us in a compromising position. whatever. all i know is, as long as we're not in makati, my knife will always be with me. bear grylls taught me that having a knife in risky spots is usually a good thing.

"Don't give up! We have to keep fighting to the very last second. We've always managed to snatch victory at the very last moment so don't give up!" - Simon

"I can't hold a candle to him. He's managed to overturn everything that was thrown up against him." - Rossiu

currently: compiling a list of necessities for the trip and thinking about tengen toppa gurren lagann

the itis

this past week, i have been afflicted with gastritis. for those not in the know, it is an inflammation of the upper GI tract (the stomachness). tuesday morning, awoke to dizziness, nausea, and weakness of the body. every subsequent day until friday came with sharp, stabbing pains in my stomach. what felt like air or a gas bubble wasn't. i've never been to the doctor's office as frequently over the course of my lifetime than i have in the last week. had two sets of blood tests, a sonogram (kinda like moms get to see their babies. only my precious baby was an inflamed GI tract), and an x-ray. according to doctors and webmd, the source of my affliction - abnormal eating patterns, too much soda, and stress/exhaustion. good stuff.

what causes my stress? first of all, working at an occupation that you care absolutely nothing about and being forced to do so by an employer that lives with you is a major source. i hate what i'm doing but i have to do it because it's the only thing keeping me paid and alive right now. also, the constant criticism that most employees can leave behind when they go home, follows me. there is no separation of work and home life. expected to know and be able to do any and everything in my power for a business i don't really give a rat's ass about doesn't help in any facet of my well being. but that's that, and i have no choice but to soldier on until i can reach up and grab that next foothold to greatness.

on a lighter note, we're going to philippines soon. i am quite excited, yet the anticipation won't hit until about a week prior. i'm also heading up to the mile high city to hang with my boys (it's been a little while, boto maki and puraw wave). although i have seen my comrades just a few months ago, it will still feel really good to be around them again. not that i don't relish my time with my comrades here, it's just that chilling with the boys in good ol' CO is a welcome respite away from my gastritis-inducing problems here. looking forward to it, i'll be calling you guys soon. i'm arriving on monday (jun 15) about lunchtime. if dinner's okay with you guys, let me know.

i've been sidelined what with all that's been going on recently. i haven't been to work. i haven't been able to study. i haven't been to escrima class. everything was in shutdown mode. but the time has come to get back to it. i just hope and pray that the strength to carry on, in the face of all the bullshit, is enough to help push me forward until i can get the f*ck out of here.

"Just a little longer. Please let me go on, I feel like I can grab on to something..." - Urameshi Yuusuke, Yu Yu Hakusho

currently: wondering what horrid things and hopefully good ones this week has in store for me; and hoping that i don't end up too pessimistic after all that...

wonderwall

it's been a long time since my last post. but then again, i figure not too many people read this anyway, so no big deal.

how is my project coming along? well, it seems, for now. it looks as though the universe is conspiring to help me out, and all it asks in return is that i give it 100%. i took a solemn oath that if things turn out for the positive in this little venture, i swear to fight with all my powers at the ready and succeed (no matter how hard the path becomes). bruce lee once said, "there is no amount of punishment too great, no amount of effort, no condition too tough to take in order to win..." i agree wholeheartedly.

on a different note, my no. 3 member of all time is fat. that person used to be number 2 of the current, but began to slip. now, it depresses me to see that person every time they show up on screen. how sad. how do i deal with this? watch other things and tell myself to go running. also, i need to leave hawaii, because in a few years, that person may very well end up grocery shopping at a safeway or foodland near me. i just couldn't bear that.

i have been hanging out recently with an old friend who disappeared after his significant other gave birth to his child. actually, as a couple, they were under the radar for months before that. why am i hanging out with them suddenly? because they are neighbors and another friend of mine goes over to WoW at their place. i know, i know. it's horrible. i hate WoW with every fiber of my being, but i figure, we should rock band and street fight now before everyone leaves for their own paths (the desert, foreign countries, an empty house).

"Don't ask for guarantees. And don't look to be saved in any one thing, person, machine, or library. Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing you were headed for shore." - Faber, Fahrenheit 451

currently: awaiting a nap and escrima class

true savior

once again, as i mentioned last year and early this year - things will move in the summer. summer seems to be the time when new opportunities arise. can we take advantage of them? i should hope so. will it be a long and difficult path? absolutely. how do we even know that we're getting anywhere? we don't. all we can do is keep moving forward and trying hard every day.

speaking with a brother of mine, we agreed that if we're going to have to face the end of the world in 2012, it shouldn't be on HI. if we're going to end up failing due to some horrible, natural disaster, then i want it to be known that at least i died trying. i want it to be known that at least i didn't die scraping and wasting away in mediocrity.

i'm going to test myself on a higher stage. so far, the trials have already begun - i am as far as can be in terms of mentors and supporters. however, that is merely a small roadblock. i know that i can do so much more than just this, so i have to keep moving forward. i have to keep trying.

the vacation is still on, though. business before pleasure, but when it's time for pleasure, it's time for pleasure. we have about 2 and a half months until we depart for the motherland. i'm excited, but i'm sure i'm not the only one.

"There are those who have risen from the tomb and have become so great and amassed such a fortune that they have overthrown their would-be conquerors..." - Albert de Morcerf, Le Comte du Monte Cristo

currently: sipping cold green tea and awaiting a nap

dream fighter

i had a feeling during the weekend that this week and next week would be utterly exhausting. so far, i'm correct in my assumption. stayed out late last night, helping a friend study for an anatomy exam; i have escrima training tonight and possibly some muay thai basics tomorrow night; a possible dinner somewhere on thursday night; and friday night spent packing and searching for items for my trip on saturday - all of this while still having to wake up at 6 each subsequent morning for work.

so why does that make next week exhausting? the time change in flying from hawaii to colorado means i will be waking up each morning at what would technically be 3:00am here in hawaii (about 6am in CO). also, i will have to wake up earlier, since the place wherein i will be staying is about 5 or 10 minutes farther by drive from my destination than my previous accomodations. lovely.

how are my finances doing? better. it looks like the stock rally of last week has spurred some much needed investor confidence. i believe that the market really is a big confidence game. when investors think things are getting better, they are. so, here's hoping that the market turns bullish in our favor and that my battered portfolio makes up for lost ground.

philippines in about 3 months. a friend of mine will be accompanying me this time - this being his first trip ever out of the country. if he's going to leave this godforsaken rock, it might as well be for the motherland. we're planning on pulling out all the stops. why do i think we're going to come back, fat, exhausted, and possibly married? we're attending a wedding in laoag, spending 10 days in manila, and will possibly be bringing more money than you would need to live in philippines for a few months, and we're celebrating my birthday there. if i come back skinnier, full of energy, and wifey-less there's good reason to believe that we've accidentally gone to the wrong southeast asian country.

denver on sunday. i'm looking forward to some good training, some good food (god bless you, chipotle), and sharing some videos with friends. other than that, i guess i have to clean my apartment.

me: "Mr. 'Anti-Smoking' himself, smoking weed? That's fucked up. He was the poster child for the D.A.R.E. program"

D: "He's a 'hippo'-crite"

me: "Yeah, a hippopotacrite"

fudge: "Yeah, you know, a fat hypocrite - hippopotacrite"

currently: preparing to power nap before heading off to class

of the blue sky

so, i recently found out i'm not the only one with plans to save money to eventually buy some property in the homeland - PI. now, one of my brothers is seriously considering putting away money from every paycheck (paying himself first) towards this goal. he asked if i was willing to collaborate with him and put our money together to buy ourselves some property and build a kickass mansion. my response? a resounding hell yes. in a few months, i will be doing hands-on research into the subject matter and will report my findings upon my return.

why would this be a good idea? first of all, america's economy is in the shitter. that's a well-known fact. i'm sure land (as well as everything else) is much cheaper in the PI than HI. also, with both of us having backgrounds in construction, not to mention very worthy contacts in that sector, it would be to our benefit to build our own house (of higher quality and standards too) on the much cheaper land. living simply and spending less than we would living here, we could save a lot of money yet free ourselves up for the things we want to do. some options? escrima training ala "fight quest" style all over the PI, go on trips to thailand or japan which are just a stone's throw away, raise and fight chickens, and hang out with all the lovely damsels PI has to offer. the real question is, how would this be a bad idea?

that aside, i'm a few months away from raising another large sum of money to help pay off the balance of my residence in good old CO. what does that mean for me? i will soon have a large stake in an investment that could eventually lead to some passive income or just a sweet ass vacation house later on. also, it will be proof that i could in fact handle my current savings strategy and will therefore be putting it into further action upon completion of my project. wonderful.

i've been watching a lot of fist of the north star recently. not the old ass show or the movie. i have been watching the newly animated ova's - raoh gaiden, kenshiro densetsu, toki densetsu, yuria densetsu, and raoh gaiden ten no haoh. the ova's pretty much do a retelling of the story with better animation from different points of view from different characters. well done, i think. also, ten no haoh is done in a different animation style than the other hokuto no ken series' - it's hard to describe...think kino's journey, with more shadows and violence.

"I have come back to save this wretched land..." - Raoh

currently: unbelievably tired

crisostomo

i finished filing my tax returns last week, and am purportedly getting a nice sum for a refund sometime within the next few weeks or so. however, although a nice amount of money is coming back to me, according to the speakers at the financial seminar i attended with bto and puraw wave last year, a larger refund is a bad thing because it means that the government is taking that much more out of your paychecks. the reason it is a "refund" is because the government took shit tons of money from you early on then realized, "oh, we took too much, so let's give some back to this chump". how unfortunate.

also, taxes will soon rise to unreasonable amounts thanks to all the bailing out the government has been or is trying to do. so, for all the people out there praising the stimulus and all the financial aid being given to ailing motor companies and banks, remember - as a taxpayer, it's your money that funds all this lovely government spending. so, when some irresponsible person who can't take care of their finances to save their life thinks, "it's ok, the government will just bail me out", i cringe and vomit in my mouth a little.

financial issues aside, the weeks have been absolutely exhausting. too much going to work and going out, not enough sleep. i think i will eventually pass the fuck out some afternoon. no calls, no bothers, no bullshit. just pure, unadulterated, blissful napping. that, followed by a nice, leisurely shower and a dinner that won't have to be completely funded by myself, would be ecstasy.

there are too many things that i want but definitely shouldn't buy. the palace dvd set, a machete, the perfume live concert dvd, and blazin steaks. the first three because i don't really need them, the last one because it would make me fat.

"Strike hard, strike fast, strike first, strike last..." - Gabay

currently: awaiting precious sleep and possibly a steak sandwich

pyramid scheme

now that we're in tax season again, i am reminded of a quaint comparison of one of america's most beloved institutions/programs offered by charles wheelan, author of "naked economics". he lovingly referred to social security as a pyramid scheme, one wherein the hordes of grunts at the bottom of the pyramid work their asses off to feed a lovely supply of income to those at the top. if social security worked like a mandatory 401k or if the government took that money out of my paycheck to put away in some giant piggy bank especially for me when i get gray, i would be all for it. unfortunately, that's not how it works. my hard work now goes to fund the lives of old people now, instead of going to me later. that is a pyramid scheme if i've ever heard of one.

i haven't yet prepared my tax return for this year. i have what i think are all the necessary papers. i have a program (turbotax) which will be assisting me in my venture this time around. i am ready. it's just a matter of doing it.

i think i have to help my friend dissect a (cooked) chicken to help him regain some points for the anatomy/physiology assesment he so unwittingly fucked up last week. i don't know how this is supposed to reflect an understanding of human anatomy on his part, considering that the anatomy of a cooked chicken and a raw (living) human being are fairly different. i mean, i think so - i taught anatomy lab in college for a year, so i could be wrong - but i'm pretty sure humans and dinner fowl aren't quite the same. but whatever. hell, he thought the assignment was a joke too.

i believe i am coming to denver on march the 21st or the 20th, but am only staying until the 23rd or 24th (it's a short osha class, this time around). however, if the generation would like to have arnis training still and possibly another crab leg dinner, i am definitely up for it. i'm not staying at a hotel this time around. i'll be staying in what used to be my residence - apartment 102 at good custer ave. what does this mean? i need to buy toilet paper and bring towels and an aero bed. what else does it mean? i won't have continental breakfast waiting for me in the lobby when i wake up in the morning.

"Let your rapidity be that of the wind, your compactness that of the forest. In raiding and plundering, be like fire, in your defense, be immovable like the mountain..." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

currently: wondering if i should have a bagel

the filibuster

my trip to denver was a huge success in terms of productivity. the safety classes went well, and i obtained a lot of information that was useful both in and outside of the construction industry. did you know that the diagonally striped white and orange barricades that usually accompany "road closed" signs actually point in the direction that you're supposed to turn? as it turns out, the diagonal stripes, lovingly referred to as "chevrons" (half-chevrons anyway), work like arrows and point the driver in the direction he/she must take when a barricade blocks a straight path. what's funny is i learned that in a construction industry safety compliance class, and that info such as this cannot even be found in the driver's manual that is used to take learner's permit exams.

the weather was lovely in denver. on monday, i woke up to a delightful 9 degrees below 0. amusing, because according to people here, some were suffering when hawaii had 51 degrees. cold is relative i guess. which brings me to my next point - cold weather makes you a better person. according to some recent studies, crime rates rise in direct proportion to heat/higher temperatures. also, your body burns more calories in order to produce heat to keep your core warm in colder weather. finally, since cold weather limits activities for a portion of the year, people in cold climates relish the periods of nice weather and thus are heavily active during those bouts. people living in consistently warm climates take the weather for granted and thus spend little to no time being active. conclusion, warm weather makes you belligerent, open to the idea of criminal activity, and fat. cold weather in turn makes you calm and calculating (how do i get to work/school on time while facing the dangers of icy roads), helpful (to those that get trapped in snow banks or in parking lots due to excessive snowfall), and metabolically powerful (burn those calories).

arnis training in denver went well. in two months, i should be back in denver, so i hope to bring more lessons and techniques upon my arrival.

i need a stricter diet and training regimen to keep me in shape here in hawaii. due to the options i have (rock band with the boys, ala moana on weekends, filipino eateries), i cannot effectively shut myself away to focus on training, keeping in shape, and keeping up with my reading. i think an apartment of my own would be nice. arguably, paying for it and the utilities would be a major liability in addition to my other bills. but a place of solitude would work wonders for me, physically and mentally.

"I believe there is no such thing as pleasure in life, only a relief from pain. You have to suffer to be on top..." - Georges "Rush" St. Pierre

currently: contemplating what to eat for dinner

game ka na ba?

although school doesn't officially start for most people until next week, it already feels like we've passed the holiday season and gone back to regular life. that is a good thing, because it means - no more going out to 3 restaurants a day with friends, going back to regular spending and eating habits, alone time to work on exercise and painting a mural (not really, but it's nice to have some solitude every now and then).

it seems as if most of the people i know are excited to get back into the semester, or work, or whatever regular routine they do. the motivations are plentiful this time around - better paychecks, better classes, more time with the honeys, stronger incentives to not be like hobos living in downtown, etc. i am excited as well, because truth be told, hanging out with all the relatives and homeboys during the holidays has taken its toll on me physically and fiscally. i am fat and poor. a horrendous combination.

there are plans to go to philippines this summer, japan in the winter, followed by philippines again in january 2010. since my return trip from the pearl of the orient, everyone has expressed a sudden interest to go. which may or may not be related to the fact that PI is home to the goddess, christine reyes.

i am also excited for my denver trip. i believe i arrive on sunday morning, january 25th. i'll be staying in pretty much the same hotel as i did last time, but i think i'm renting a vehicle from a different place. whatever. so, boto maki, puraw wave, please feel free to call me up and hang out on sunday if you're both free. if not, i don't leave until saturday and my classes end on thursday, so friday's good to go. let me know.

the new year hasn't seen/heard any complaints from me so far. everything appears to be going smoothly, and my finances and other things seem to be getting back on track. i don't ever like to say things like, "this is going to be my year", but i do feel like this will be another year of change. more things are going to happen, i know it. maybe the changes will seem small and insignificant at first, but there's a strong feeling i have that the events will set in motion an even larger chain of events that will affect us all. the world may or may not end in 2012, but until then, let's live like it will...

"Slut nuggets..." - Carlo, offering one of the many colorful phrases he learned in the Navy

currently: wondering whether or not i want to sit in the massage chair