anticipate

the long-awaited trip to the motherland is only a few days away. we leave next friday. have i packed yet? well, my suitcase is out. as for the things that are to fill it, that's another story. but what's really important is if i have enough space for the things that are coming back with me from there. for one, there are a lot of present requests from everyone. let me run down a quick list just to get a better idea of the packing situation. 3 bags of dried watermelon seed, couple bags/bottles (i'm not really sure on the actual package) of energo and biogesic, a couple of saint/jesus bracelets (that are purportedly blessed), a couple shirts (with accompanying fob ass designs), some blades of various sorts, some escrima sticks (kamagong and others), a giant wooden fork and spoon set, a couple of nmat study guides, and some barrel men/women. i think that's it, but i'm not sure.

i think knife (for personal protection) and camera aside, i'm only bringing clothes. the hotel provides the towels, i could definitely buy a lot of the toiletries and essentials at the convenience store right across the street from the hotel, and anything else would really be extraneous. therefore, after carefully selecting the outfits i will use for various outings - coworker's wedding, visiting family in the province (which entails clothes that won't make me such a conspicuous target and/or clothes that allow me to move well in case of a fight/flight situation) - i should be good to go.

speaking with my travelling buddy yesterday, the question of what kind of technology i should bring along for the ride comes to surface. an i-pod is a must, but should i bring the charger along? the camera is a for sure, but should i bring the charger along? my phone will most likely be utterly useless and i won't likely be receiving or making calls to anyone outside of the country for the duration of the trip. also, if i need communication, getting a cheapo phone and some smart chips/load wouldn't be too expensive anyhow. the hotel has internet lan cables, but do i really want to bring my laptop, which in turn contains playlists for my i-pod and a gateway to communicating with everyone back home if necessary? but really, how much time do i plan on spending in the hotel anyway? not much.

this is the kind of trip that i've been excited about for months. my planning for the trip though has only really taken place now. i have approximately 8 or 9 days to be ready. i have no doubt in my mind that i will be ready when the time comes. it's just that anticipation might make me nervous enough to forget some convenient item for the trip. also, my older brother predicted that i would break my self-imposed sobriety during that time. i agree, so i also need a plan to keep my wits about me in case some kind of incident should place us in a compromising position. whatever. all i know is, as long as we're not in makati, my knife will always be with me. bear grylls taught me that having a knife in risky spots is usually a good thing.

"Don't give up! We have to keep fighting to the very last second. We've always managed to snatch victory at the very last moment so don't give up!" - Simon

"I can't hold a candle to him. He's managed to overturn everything that was thrown up against him." - Rossiu

currently: compiling a list of necessities for the trip and thinking about tengen toppa gurren lagann

the itis

this past week, i have been afflicted with gastritis. for those not in the know, it is an inflammation of the upper GI tract (the stomachness). tuesday morning, awoke to dizziness, nausea, and weakness of the body. every subsequent day until friday came with sharp, stabbing pains in my stomach. what felt like air or a gas bubble wasn't. i've never been to the doctor's office as frequently over the course of my lifetime than i have in the last week. had two sets of blood tests, a sonogram (kinda like moms get to see their babies. only my precious baby was an inflamed GI tract), and an x-ray. according to doctors and webmd, the source of my affliction - abnormal eating patterns, too much soda, and stress/exhaustion. good stuff.

what causes my stress? first of all, working at an occupation that you care absolutely nothing about and being forced to do so by an employer that lives with you is a major source. i hate what i'm doing but i have to do it because it's the only thing keeping me paid and alive right now. also, the constant criticism that most employees can leave behind when they go home, follows me. there is no separation of work and home life. expected to know and be able to do any and everything in my power for a business i don't really give a rat's ass about doesn't help in any facet of my well being. but that's that, and i have no choice but to soldier on until i can reach up and grab that next foothold to greatness.

on a lighter note, we're going to philippines soon. i am quite excited, yet the anticipation won't hit until about a week prior. i'm also heading up to the mile high city to hang with my boys (it's been a little while, boto maki and puraw wave). although i have seen my comrades just a few months ago, it will still feel really good to be around them again. not that i don't relish my time with my comrades here, it's just that chilling with the boys in good ol' CO is a welcome respite away from my gastritis-inducing problems here. looking forward to it, i'll be calling you guys soon. i'm arriving on monday (jun 15) about lunchtime. if dinner's okay with you guys, let me know.

i've been sidelined what with all that's been going on recently. i haven't been to work. i haven't been able to study. i haven't been to escrima class. everything was in shutdown mode. but the time has come to get back to it. i just hope and pray that the strength to carry on, in the face of all the bullshit, is enough to help push me forward until i can get the f*ck out of here.

"Just a little longer. Please let me go on, I feel like I can grab on to something..." - Urameshi Yuusuke, Yu Yu Hakusho

currently: wondering what horrid things and hopefully good ones this week has in store for me; and hoping that i don't end up too pessimistic after all that...