nine mornings

so, i completed a tradition known as "simbang gabi" here in the philippines. it consists of waking up at 3 in the morning to go to church at 4 to sit through an hour long mass for nine days straight. apparently, at the end of it, you get a wish. i'm not normally a church going kind of man, but i did it for her and it's ok. it's sort of an attempt to bring some spirituality to this season that's been greatly lacking recently. also, i'd like to think of it as collecting dragonballs. i finished and i made my wish. so, i need to concentrate and make sure that it comes true.

in the matters of the art of venus, everything is ok. there have been ups and downs like in any long standing cooperation of sorts. it's been good since we've been able to weather the downs and have come back with tenacity and passion.

it's break time here and i'm lazy as ever. there is much to do, but i can't seem to wrangle up the motivation to get anything done. i started some of the tasks i've needed to do, but they're still not done and i still have a ton to read. so, after a few more days, i'll try to get back on track.

every now and then, it feels weird to look around me and realize that i'm actually living in another country. this isn't america. this isn't hawaii or colorado. this is quezon city, philippines. although there are some things that are similar, there are still a lot of things that aren't the same and just won't be. there is admittedly, a lack of quality in many of the products here. but that's ok. however, a major problem is the fact that money flows like water here. although things are relatively cheaper here, you end up buying things at a faster rate. it's hard to explain, you'd need to actually experience it yourself.

many of my friends are back home in america. the things i miss most about being home are the quality of food back home, driving, and the driving range. life moves on, here and back home. the only constant is change. but i'd like to hope that things are changing for the better and that we're only improving.

second long

the days have come and gone. i have been beaten, battered, exhausted beyond normal limits, and now i am used to the constant state of fatigue. i entered the first of our academic trials after an all nighter and found that i could barely stand. this second time around, not only was i able to function, i was able to pass that trial (thought not as well as i knew i could have). other than that, i think i understand now the process.

in matters of the heart, things are well. as with every bond, there are ups and downs. but this time around, there is a mutual interest in working at it and making this into something grand and hopefully of lasting value. there is not a waking moment when her silhouette doesn't run through my synapses. such is life.

in terms of things i miss - having a car, having income, healthy food options (actual salads would be nice), and golf. i haven't had a decent hobby in months, nor have i had the time to indulge in any. the things that i have up here that actually make me not miss home so much are - burritos from ristra's (think chipotle, with slight differences in taste but no sacrifice in terms of size), chili's (tastes exactly like chili's back home, unfortunately costs just as much), and an energy drink called bacchus (yes, i don't really like energy drinks, but think red bull only it doesn't taste like absolute shit).

to my friends, long time no speak. i hope you're all well. forgive me for not posting or commenting in a while, but know that i wish you well. take care and have a good christmas (it's september here, so it already signals the beginning of xmas - they already play carols in the malls).

"Suzy Lays Flat On Pillows Making Sex Terrific" - typical medical school mnemonic, the dirtier the better...

section b(adass)

the higher level of academia is everything that everyone says it is (and fears it is). it is that and much more. the level of mental exhaustion in which i am currently stewing is just as great if not greater than the one i faced in the alchemy organic. i must say i still miss my old study group, but my new comrades here are helping to fill in the gaps of solitude.

the entire class has been separated into two sections, a and b. it seems as though many of those in section a are more focused on the meet-and-greet, the never ending atmosphere of fun and leisure. section b (dubbed section badass by myself and section bamf by a new friend of mine) seems to be getting down to business. i'm not judging anyone and i want to maintain good social ties with all my batch mates. but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, i have to do what i must to succeed in this endeavor, no matter the social costs.

the stage is set, the pieces are in place. the battle began a little while ago, but this siege will be more taxing than any i've ever encountered before. however, with a lot of effort and willpower, i will be able to pierce the heavens and enter that place where all manly souls reside. i ask that you have faith in me and believe that your belief in me is well placed.

"Reject common sense to make the impossible possible! That's how we roll..." - TTGL

premier

school hasn't started yet, and without means to get around, i am stuck in my apartment and everything within a one-mile radius. i've been to the same mall everyday for the past week. i've browsed the same dvd and magazine racks, i've eaten the same snacks, walked the same streets and i'm bored. the only activities i have are studying (which never really lasts long without the actual classes to back them up), reading (the same old books and magazines), and messing around on the internet (which only gets you so far). i want school to start.

surrounded by swarms of the entwined, i see around me the manifestation of evolution's potential. i find that i am in unhappy admiration, ready and willing to make the acquaintance of the second. my spiral power is rising, but there's no conduit for it. i only hope that in the smoke-riddled and flood-damaged ivory tower, the heaven-piercing other will appear.

when the tasks begin, i know that i'll probably be pining for days like this - tranquil, careless, easygoing. however, i believe that i'm at my best under a little bit of pressure. the past few months since leaving the slavery of my previous occupation, have been nothing but pleasure filled and slack-jawed. now, i want action.

"You've come this far because you always did what you had to do. Isn't that right?" - Nia, TTGL

of the hood

this week has been productive to say the least. trips all over manila to talk with some fellows concerning dual citizenship. trips all over manila to process my student visa/i-card. trips to and from campus to sort out this uniform business. what have i gained in the last week or so? a better knowledge of the city, ticket stubs for iron man 2 and robin hood, and a copy of batman: battle for the cowl.

things with school are moving smoothly. nothing left to do but pick up my uniforms when they're ready. that, and orientation on june 11. other than that, it's all about fixing up the apartment to make it livable. when the 'rents vacate, i can install my tower 200 and start sculpting my muscles.

what am i looking forward to? the start of school actually. i want to know what kind of challenges i'll be facing. somehow, being in anticipation of the upcoming tasks is making my blood boil. i'm excited to see how i will fare in this battle of minds. i will show everyone my power.

what's next? some study possibly. a wedding to attend (a cousin from my dad's side) maybe. meeting with another cousin to procure a desk and a bookshelf. due to boredom and transportation constraints, possibly more movies.

"You have to keep moving forward. That goes double when you're scared..." - Kittan, TTGL

heartbreaker

so, here i am in the home country - philippines. it would be nice to be able to state in black and white terms that "it's good to be back". however, i'd say the feeling's a little closer to bittersweet. i'm here away from the friends and family i know to a whole new set of comrades and cousins. it feels like how it first did in denver - unfamiliar, limited, routine. my world in colorado consisted first of school, my apartment, and every now and then the springs. it eventually expanded to encompass more than just a few streets and more than just classmates. i wonder if it will be like that here?

i am armed with a little more than i had when i first went to denver (car aside). i have a much more powerful entertainment system (thanks, macbook pro), a wider range of music (thanks, new itunes), and a burning sense of confidence in myself (thanks, gurren lagann). when i first went to denver back in 2000, i was timid, lonely, and easily depressed with little sense of purpose or direction. now, i am here in the PI for an incredible reason and a stronger sense of who i am and what i want to become. so, i am not worried about the outcome. i'm just missing some old friends.

i met some of my soon to be classmates today during enrollment. i am pleased, but i also feel a sense of loss over my old study group. where are the wahdans and the trans? what happened to the study sessions at a campus not our own? what happened to the weekends of study punctuated with trips for middle eastern food and spicy kimchee ramyun? where are my golf buddies? where are my fellow best hit generation members? you're not gone, far from it. you're with me, just not physically. just as you helped me before, i know you'll help me again. i'm not doing this alone.

"Abayo ja nai. Issho da rou?" - Simon

adventurous

i found out recently that another comrade from the battle against the dreaded NMAT has been accepted and will be joining me in the sacred halls of academia come this june. i am relieved to know that there will be at least two or three faces with which i am familiar, cruising the unfamiliar corridors alongside me. i said before that even if i were to travel this path alone, i would do it; and that sentiment still stands. however, it's always good to have some people stand by you when facing such a monumental task.

speaking with friends, i've been coming face to face with the reality and the gravity of the situation. the upcoming few years will be indeed monumental and overwhelming. there will be lack of sleep, ridiculous demands, tasks that are not only difficult but equally valued, and a constant need to remind myself why i'm doing it all. but i know that i can make it. i know that i can succeed because i've already come so far. i think something like this calls for the blind, burning vigor of blood and fighting spirit to keep me not only from falling apart but also motivated enough to ignore the tolls that it takes.

i have become one of the chosen few. for me to get to this point, it took a miracle. i have come this far because of so many chances, opportunities, support, beliefs, wishes, and dreams. i hope to do honor to that and accept this destiny. the funny thing is, i am committing myself to master a set of skills that ordain me to be a servant. at the end of it all, i will become a man whose sole purpose will be to serve other people and save them from disease. i will become a master who must serve. how ironic...

time is running out. i will be departing soon. i'm not sure if i'm totally ready to leave, but i know for sure, that come what may, i will be ready to take on the challenge.

"He's the one who always saves my ass. He's the one who never gives up. When I found myself at wit's end, I saw his back hunched over and digging for a way out. I want to become the kind of man who won't be laughed at by that back." - Kamina, TTGL

burner

after a great week spent living frivolously in denver, i returned to the islands only to be overcome by an intense cold. as i boarded my plane from DIA to SFO, every swallow was dry and irritating. as i boarded from SFO to HNL, every swallow was accompanied with excruciating pain. upon arrival at the estate, my sinuses were completely congested. the next morning, i woke up with my fluid-filled sinuses causing my face and eyes to be completely puffy. i spent this entire week battling the illness with rest, hot tea, orange juice, and a more careful diet. did it work? i still have a slight cough, and i still wake up with my nose plugged up, but i'm better off than last friday.

i spent my evening at the driving range, by myself. i'm actually able to hit my drivers to over 200 yards at a greater frequency than i used to. it's not completely consistent yet, but it's a start. figuring out a golf swing is a life goal. in the time that i've stopped working for my old company, and halted escrima classes, golf has become the one activity that i'm serious about. it's a great hobby, albeit rather expensive. but the joy that comes with blasting a little plastic ball over 150 yards is a victory all on its own.

there are about 9 or 10 weeks left before i leave for the philippines to embark on my medical journey. as i mentioned to puraw wave, i've developed a sort of "messiah complex" over the past few months. it seems that my motivation to attend med school goes beyond my desire to reach a higher quality of life. i realized that as this world is getting more chaotic and more desperate, the more people are going to need healers. part of me wants to be the one to save them. maybe i should front a rock band and get some kind of rail transit system named after me...

"There is a man wandering this chaotic world. The people are already calling him 'savior'." - Villager, Hokuto no Ken Raoh Gaiden Ten no Haoh

bow tie

the little things are falling into place. i will be heading up to manila in march to square away some paperwork regarding my citizenship, check up on the new living quarters, and possibly enroll for the first year of med school. the formalities are just that - formalities. soon, the path will open up and the speculation of times past will become a reality. am i ready for it? i feel like i'm not quite there yet. however, when the time comes, i will be more than ready.

lately, i have been plagued with disturbing dreams. a lot of them happening just before i wake up in the morning. i don't know if they are a consequence of the things weighing on my mind from the past few weeks. i don't know if they really mean anything. it's just kind of annoying to have a vivid dream that doesn't involve anything sexy or badass.

i learned how to tie a bowtie. it's not as hard as it seems, and now i want to own one. i might have to buy one when i get to colorado in a week or so. the only store that i know that sells them here doesn't have any for less than $70. that is much too steep for something i would really only wear an average of five times a year. but when i do get one, believe you me, i will be rocking the shit out of them.

boto maki and puraw wave, look forward to some videos and real talk when i get up there. let's have us some delicious blue moon as well. see you in a few.

shin kyuseishu

tuesday night brought with it the physical confirmation of my victory. after waiting and praying, i can finally say that i have made it. the path has opened up and the road to becoming a true savior has revealed itself. i can now gladly cast off the shackles of the builder in order to put on the mantle of the healer. for those that understand rpg lingo, this transition is akin to me leaving the shopkeeper/items seller position and joining the party as the healer/mage. what a welcome change indeed.

how did i celebrate this happy turn of events? by having mcdonald's on wednesday and falling ill on thursday. i spent all of thursday bedridden, with nausea and a headache. it seemed to be a 24 hour bug, similar to a few sick spells i had in denver a few years back. i would be dizzy, nauseous, and succumbing to a general malaise which would eventually peter out by the next day. so, here i am on friday, at the office, relishing my last day of employment with my father's company.

according to the book of face, there are at least two known comrades from the dreaded battle with the NMAT that i know for sure are joining me in the same med school. with all of us being fil-ams, we will without a doubt be in the same classes together for the next three years. i mentioned before that i didn't give a damn whether or not i would be the only one attending that school, as long as i got in. i still feel that way, but it's nice to not be completely alone.

things are shaping up for my eventual departure. i'm leaving one place to go to an even hotter destination. this trend has not been in my favor. i left the frigid paradise of denver to come to hawaii. now, i'm leaving hawaii for an even more tropical area that doesn't even have the benefit of tradewinds to keep me cool. although, the trend of my occupations has been rising according to my tastes. my jobs have gotten better and better, each with higher payout and each with more resposibilities. now, i'm going to pursue the ancient art and become the kind of man that i must become.

before i leave for the PI, i would love to come to denver one more time and check in with my family and friends. however, that would mean i need to pay for my own ticket, and without a job, i need that money to keep me alive and fed for the next few months. but, we'll see how it turns out. ideally, i would be in denver sometime in the month of february, but as i said, it's up in the air.

"It's unreal how we're all growing up. One of us is a CPA, another's going to be an architect, I'm going to be an OT, you're going to be a doctor...It's like we're getting 'big people' jobs" - FJ-aniki

"It's like just yesterday you were running around the jobsite, sleeping on the sandbags, and barfing after breakfast. Now, you're going to be a doctor..." - Gilbert-aniki

update

just an update. for any of my friends reading this blog of mine, i have also crafted a more professional blog related to my career aspirations. feel free to follow that as well, since it will be an update on all the happenings in PI. otherwise, come here too, since this is my more informal and personal blog.

urbiryan.wordpress.com

return of the mack

my comrades have returned from japan. although i am disappointed that i wasn't able to join them this time, they were able to bring me back some awesome schwag - a sega saturn t-shirt, a blue shirt with the dai-gurren dan logo emblazoned in white, a black shirt with gachapin and muku decked out in shogun warrior gear, a gray gachapin hoodie, a street fighter 4 arcade stick keychain that makes the sounds of special moves after you enter them correctly (hadoken!), a plastic keychain designed to resemble simon's core drill, eyedrops that sting like hell but leave your eyes feeling like they just chewed gum, wasabi flavored kit-kat (better than i expected), and some mochi. all in all, a pretty good package.

work this week was hell, considering it was the first week back from break. it was ridiculous to alter my sleep patterns again and it left me able to only sleep for 6 hours a night. i am still awaiting the confirmation of my victory. but aside from that, other news from philippines has arrived that spells good fortune for the coming years.

a generous benefactor of mine, to whom i now owe absolute allegiance and loyalty, has informed me that i am able to apply for dual citizenship in the PI. previously, i was told that due to circumstances surrounding my birth, i would not be able to achieve dual citizenship. but somehow, thanks to my benefactor's connections and persuasive abilities, i will be sent the application sometime soon, which i will fill out and send in with great relish. what does dual citizenship mean for me? i will be able to dodge some of the foreign fees associated with going to school up there, i will be able to own property in the PI, and there will be no time limit to my stays in PI (i won't need to renew visas, come back for a few months, etc). so, effectively, if this is goes as planned, i will be able to stay in PI forever if i were so inclined (or at least longer than most visitors are allowed).

so, as i said before, i owe my benefactor complete allegiance. if that person were to ask me to sacrifice a good portion of my adult life by serving as a doctor in PI, i would not decline. if that person were to ask me to work for them in their clinic for a period of time before returning to america, i would do so gladly. i owe this person much more than they know, so my gratitude is theirs forever. i will continue to drill a path to the future.

"There was someone among us who was much, much bigger than this. For that person's sake, we will continue to move forward..." - Yoko, TTGL

"The path of man and beast intertwine to form the path of the spiral! Piercing destiny as yesterday's enemies, we will create a future with these hands!" - Simon & Viral, TTGL

adapted

the new year has begun and i am celebrating it by returning to the indentured servitude of work (at the construction company). every day, i feel miserable being here. it doesn't matter if i am getting paid better than my previous jobs - the environment, the tasks, everything about this job depresses me. never thought i'd have a job that was so bad, even paychecks wouldn't be enough to save it. however, that's just motivation to reach up for the heights and surpass this obstacle.

i am awaiting the sign that will set me free. i am awaiting the physical confirmation of my victory. once i receive it, i can kiss this wretched place goodbye. not that i wish ill things to befall this company - no, far from it. in fact, i want this place to succeed beyond anyone's wildest dreams. it's just that, i don't want to be a part of it. i don't want to have anything to do with this place, when i'm out. hopefully, that will be soon.

everyone's circumstances seem to be changing. for many people, this is a year of new beginnings. it shouldn't be any different for me, either. but, after spending a week in reflection, i feel that i miss so many things. i long for so many things that i cannot have just yet. but one day soon, i will return to the winters of my content and live life according to my wishes. until then, i have to trudge through the hardships and heat and make myself something greater than this.

"I haven't quite adapted to the real world yet." - Watanabe Toru, "Norwegian Wood"