growth

the days are passing, and the information is slowly accumulating. with each passing day, more pages are getting read, more diagrams are being analyzed, and more nuggets of wisdom are retained. my power is growing slowly every day, and i am getting closer and closer to the right amount of knowledge accumulation. the next step is mastery. that will come in time.

the level of intensity of our program is still not quite where it needs to be, but i feel like that will change very soon. once the holy week is finished, there is nothing left but time - time to pour every ounce of strength and concentration into hitting the books.

i am learning things that i should have learned before but didn't understand through the fault of books that don't make sense and lectures by professors that didn't mean anything or didn't mention what was necessary. many of my comrades mentioned that the time we spent in the halls of academia for the past two years have been time wasted. honestly, i don't remember much from that time, but whatever i remember is being brought back into sharp focus.

the strings are slowly winding together and the links in the chain are starting to be reinforced. soon enough, everything will come together and make sense on a totally different level. in time, my power level will be high enough to crush the demon exam and carve out a legend for myself...

"Give me a minute, I'm good. Give me an hour, I'm great. Give me 6 months, I'm unbeatable." - Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith, "The A-Team"

nostalgia

i have recently returned from my trip to the province. once again it was a productive and fulfilling trip, laced with many new experiences and learning opportunities. you know what they say, "life is study". however, i came away from this trip with something else as well - an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia. for some reason or another, i have felt this entire week, the same way i felt when i was a kid.

i don't know if it's the music i heard, the food i ate, or the shows i watched on the hotel tv, but something sparked a feeling of pure "back in the good ol' days" nostalgia in me. i've been riding high on this good feeling for a few days now. i hope that it will last. i already think it will, since i'm still feeling it now. it's a feeling that recalls my days playing in the yard with my brother, carlo. it reminds me of the days when we rode to the park on our bikes, spent entire afternoons playing with our action figures and watching cartoons. it reminds me of the summers we had as kids, when your days would be filled with play and looking forward to the newest movie coming out (animated or otherwise).

i've spent this entire trip with my partner in crime. it could be that she was the one who awakened such good feelings over the last few days. it could be that the promise of a summer together, in a schedule all our own, without the intervention of others that gives me that feeling of child-like freedom. whatever it is, this is the feeling that i've been missing from my summers for so long. i haven't felt this way since grade school. it excites me and energizes me for the hardships to come.

this summer will also require discipline if we are to follow our plan and accomplish our mission. but, i am ready. i am ready for what's ahead of us. i hope that this good feeling will ride it out with me and make this summer an unforgettable one....

Level Up

one more battle before we level up and move on to the next dungeon. many times before have i spoken of taking on a new beast, a new foe, and they came bearing such names as "organic chemistry", "biochemistry", "histology". following my metaphor, i felled each one and gained points of experience and "levelled up" in this game of life. however, following this path, i have come upon the realization that these foes were not just obstacles to overcome or monsters to defeat and discard. no, instead they are like legendary beasts that once defeated, join your party and can be summoned at will to help face even greater challenges.

the upcoming battle which i am going to spend all summer preparing for is with a foe unlike any i have ever faced before. it stands as the single most definitive battle for the title of healer as of yet. many have battled it and many have survived, however it's not just whether or not you win...it's also how well you win; how thoroughly you can do it. just scraping by and barely surviving is not enough. i need to defeat this beast in such a way as can be compared to turning over a tank...with your bare hands. i need to deflect a meteor; take a bull's tackle head on and karate chop one of its horns off; spread my AT field and catch a falling angel made of highly explosive material; take my spiral power to the next limit and turn a 0.00001% probability of winning into 100% chance of victory. that is the weight and gravity of the situation. but the thing is, it's not as impossible as it seems.

the key to this victory is preparation. endless, unbreakable, relentless preparation. it is attaining mastery over my former enemies and using them as my allies against an even greater foe. it is catching every arrow that has tried to hit me and turning them all back against my enemy. it is eating the dragon of darkness flame and using it as a nutritive to enhance my abilities. to those of you who caught all my terrible anime references, kudos. you are indeed a nerd.

i can overcome, i can succeed, i can move forward. there's no choice but to go on. there's no other direction but up.

the step

second year is fast coming to a close and just as always, the trials and tribulations of examinations are just a stone's throw away. but it's not just the 6th round of examinations or the finals following a week after, but also the comprehensive exam (which will appear on our "permanent records" here in the PI) and more importantly, Step 1 of the United States Medical Licensing Examination.

i haven't faced a battle as hard as this since the NMAT (which ended up being not as hard as i initially thought). but then again, the usmle is a completely different beast, requiring as much preparation as sun tzu would advise for an emperor. for the nmat, i had 4 months of preparation. for the usmle, we have around 6. however, for the nmat, i studied at most for 2 hours a day, a few days a week. for the usmle, we're planning on studying 8 hours a day, 6 days a week, for the entire 6 months. anything less than this is underpreparation.

preparation is the key however. i made it my all-consuming purpose to get the highest score possible on the nmat, and i managed to achieve that. i got a 99+. for the usmle, i would like nothing more than to get a 99 percentile. the doors will open if i am able to jump this hurdle. if that's what it takes to continue on my road to dok, then i will do it.

but what is the end goal of all this test-taking? to see me, in my white coat, competent, strong, confident, and being the kind of doctor that can help people. someone that can save people. i am going to be the kind of man that this world needs me to be. have i come far on my road? i'd like to think that i've grown somewhat. i was able to successfully extract blood from a classmate, assisted in various surgeries, met many patients and did physical examinations on them, and i'm starting to understand the myriad of drugs prescribed to relatives and friends alike. i'm getting there, slowly.

life is short, the art is long...