break fast

semester break was too short and too fast, as expected. the time however was wisely spent in pursuit of hands-on learning experiences and in paying due respect to family and relations alike. a very productive trip, i would say. however, we didn't get a lot of free time to ourselves, or a lot of study time as we wanted. but all in all, it was a decent break. looking forward to christmas.

time is passing ever more quickly and the third round of exams and finals passed as painfully as anticipated. the next semester is already here, and with it comes a whole new host of challenges and topics to suffer through. we haven't bested the beasts of second year just yet, and break brought to mind everything i've forgotten from first year's battles. i am nowhere near prepared to take on the most difficult of tests for med students. but i will be. we will be. soon enough.

i think i'm ready for the next level. i think i'm growing closer to that true path every day. things are falling into place, and i wouldn't say all of it was luck. a good amount was hard work, sacrifice, and prayer. fortune favors the brave, as the saying goes, and this could be viewed as one large risk when looked at retrospectively. but i wouldn't say i'm brave or bold. i just chose the path i had to choose.

i'm not a savior. i'm not a hero. but i'm learning how to be one. i'm learning how to be something bigger, something much more than i used to be. something much more than i am now.

countdown

there are 2 weeks left before another round of terrifying examinations begin. the time allotted to us for preparations is scant and it always appears to be running out. i am still far behind in my studies and the window for catching up is growing ever smaller. unfortunately, there is no time to catch up with older material since they're still spraying new material at us (all of which will still be tested on). on top of that, add on the continuous stream of papers, transcriptions to write, group meetings to attend, and a general sense of foreboding is sure to follow.

i haven't felt this overwhelmed since the final months of last school year. it is the first time in a long time since i have felt literally crushed and bogged down by the shear weight of information being placed on us. but this ox will not break under such a yoke. i have risen before to meet the challenge and this time will be no different.

being here in the pearl of the orient is still surreal at times. when my partner and i look upon the musings of our various acquaintances in social networks, we always feel a sense of distance, of isolation. we are far removed from the comings and goings of the world we used to occupy, yet at times it feels like they aren't so far away. currently, my mother (the first other, for all you psychoanalysts and psychologists) is suffering due to physical ailments of which i am still learning about. she will be okay, however i can't help but feel guilty for not being able to be there.

my comrades from the mile high are meeting with my father to return an artifact upon which we dined and conversed over many a time. many things were shared (laughs, serious conversations, philosphies) over that table, and now it is being handed over to be used by strangers. they will be granting us another source of income, hopefully, yet it saddens me to know that that table will not hear the voices of my friends and i for quite some time. yet, i promise that one of these days, i will have a newer and better artifact over which we will gather and laugh again.

it's hard, but i know that i can make it. i can make it this far and go even farther, because you're with me. for that, i am eternally grateful - to you and to the one who sent you to me.

"You fill in the blanks with life experiences..." - Yoko, TTGL

back to the future

it's amazing to look at yourself now, the self you've become after a period of time and compare it to the self you were then. out of nowhere i watched some videos again (the church of the morning daughter, if you catch my drift). it's amazing to think about the person i was at the height of my momusu fervor. it was only a few years ago, but i was fit, employed, single, and living in what i considered an ideal area. the only downside was an obvious waste of my intellectual potential and the uncertainty of living paycheck to paycheck. looking at me now, i am out of shape, unemployed, in a great relationship, subsisting on an allowance, and living in a place i think the world will look like after it ends. the upside is that i know the path i am taking is the right one and that after my trials here are done, i will be well on my way to not having to worry about living paycheck to paycheck anymore. also, i'm not going it alone.

i'd like to think that through the time that passed, i have made progress. i would like to think that i've moved forward. although i have moved up in some aspects, in others i have made an obvious downgrade. i want to revert physically to the me of before - fast, light on my feet, strong, and fairly shock-absorbant (we used to do parkour for god's sake). intellectually, i am in the thick of things - my brain is on overdrive 24/7 here. financially, i'm not where i'd like to be yet, but my assets are still right where i left them and they are growing, albeit at a slow pace. i want to get together again with my brain trust (puraw wave and boto maki) and relive a time when we were kings. kings not in the sense that we were at our best, but in the sense that our worlds were much simpler and we felt more in control.

although actually, that may not be the best way to put it. i don't want to go back as much as i want to go forward and usher in a new reign. i want us to actually be the 3 kings in terms of finance, relationships, living arrangements, careers, everything. i want to look my compatriots in the eye and say "well done, my friends. we made it". it's a far cry from that time yet, but i know that we'll get there with a lot of effort and a little luck. believe in me, guys, and i will believe in you.